I've spent my life trying to understand human behavior and many things about how humans define normative beliefs, boundaries, and build their ideologies and walls. And I've always been fascinated by the ideas and symbols that cause people discomfort. This is a bit of a study over time, in a curated order, of a number of different projects that I've been a part of, or just some art that I did on my own, with imagery that may or may not offend. Each section will have its own context and description, and as well as each image.
If you're so inclined, let's start...
The above links work best once the page has fully loaded.
Once you have scrolled through to the bottom, they will operate properly.
Use the 'Back to Top’ arrow to get back to these links quickly.
After ©haos Gallery, I moved into another place with Mecca, a house that she bought. We called it 'The Black & White House’ (logo in the previous logo gallery), and we considered it another collective living space, gallery, performance venue & event space. It was a little further into the suburbs than preferable, but it was an interesting and quirky house, and the price was right.
While still at ©haos, she had also met somebody else named Nova (mentioned in one of the photo comments). Let's just say there were some interesting encounters and a bit of back and forth and statuses of relationships bending and twisting in different ways. Anyway, the event that he was interested in having at the Black & White House was... 'Nude Art Night', a kind of twist on the idea of figurative drawing, where not only might you have a model who was all or partially nude, but if you were so inclined as a participant who was painting said model, you could also dress to whatever level you felt like. They were certainly interesting times.
I challenged myself to see if I could use my digital art skills and create some kind of portraiture of the different models within the time that they were there. Not what I would call graphic design, really. This ended up being more of what I tend to do a lot of between layers, which is use a lot of blending effects and textures, and of course layer effects. There were failures and successes to various degrees, and I've included all of them here, even the ones that I'm a bit iffy on, with some commentary in the photo comments that will tell you why, depending on which one.
I don't know exactly how risque this gallery is, but at the very least, you can certainly see some nipples. So it made sense to put in this part of the site. And I think it's a good entry point before things that are a little bit more intense or blatant.
As should be relatively clear by this point, I don't veer away from iconography, symbology, imagery that is shocking or raw or basically off-putting. And while the different galleries you've already seen have gone about whatever intensity they've had in a very different way, these are a different kind of animal. Far more overt, but strangely so overt that they almost simultaneously offend and don't. Check the comments for my specific take on each.
So another group show opportunity came up at The Firehouse. This time, because we had for a time a toy store, toy store, in one of the spaces at The Firehouse, right off of the gallery. The guy who ran that store had a good resource for these dolls called Munnys. And he, as a resident, since he was one of the people who was paying for rent at the place, asked us during a house meeting if we'd like to participate in the show. I don't actually remember paying for this thing either, so maybe he had at least a few of them to give out. I don't remember. But this is what I came up with.
At the time, I was definitely in more of a particularly anti-Christian kick. I was reading a lot of Dawkins and Hitchens and Dennett and Harris, otherwise known as the four horsemen. They were kind of peaking at the time. And I had a childhood growing up in various church scenarios and felt compelled in my teen years to also participate in that for a bit until I got very tired of all the dogma and because of the way I think about reality, the inconsistencies became far too intolerable. I even ended up getting into an argument with six different pastors simultaneously on a visit back to that same church. And I held my ground.
So when I saw the Munny, a concept came into my head because I think of very weird things. And I imagined a double-ended dildo as basically horns. But instead of it being nailed to the cross, there is a Prince Albert at the tip going right through the, what would be a urethra, and that is chained to the cross with eye hooks, with an eye hook. It is a very striking, very sacrilegious. It's got green upside-down crosses all over it, and the little dude looks like a kind of demon / angel. So it is a form of a crucifix. And I built all of it with wood and a fuck ton of screws. There's a crown of screws, and there are screws going into his feet, into the platform he's standing on, all representative of the same kinds of things that Christianity and Catholicism tend to like to show, and especially Catholicism with the crucifixion. And as a note with that one, I've always found that particular imagery to be a really bizarre thing for a religion to have as its primary symbology, the celebration of the death of your savior. It's bizarre.
I also said that I've got some other larger-scale sculpture ideas that I'd like to do. Creating this sculpture inspired a very different version of it. What I imagine is the pretty well-known hypercube that Dali created, which is a crucifix and what looks like a three-dimensional cross with Christ suspended on it. It's got the same kind of dimensions made out of cubes coming forward, back, side, side, up, down, but it's technically a four-dimensional object unfolded into three-dimensional space. So not the hypercube you see that constantly folds in on itself, basically the shadow. The idea being is that I would have the larger version of this doll with even bigger double-ended dildos, and there would be four of them. As the sculpture would be a three-dimensional cross, there would be one suspended off of the edge of each of the cubes around it. Or if not that, in between them, and then inside each of the cubes would be a glass panel, which would effectively be a light box, and each panel would be filled with different forms of paraphernalia and objects that most people would consider to be offensive or disgusting. The idea being is to use as many offensive types of symbology, iconography as possible, all in one thing, but do it at a really high skill level and a high level of refinement, make it impressive as hell. It included the idea of having a subwoofer built into the bottom part of the cross, and as a kind of joke, as flash photography was still kind of a thing at the time, I'd also come across four flash bulbs that I was going to install into the sculpture so that whenever anybody wanted to take a picture of it and tried to, when they clicked their own flash, all four of those flash bulbs would go off, completely bleaching out any attempt that they had at trying to get a photo of it, just to offend in a different way.
Anyway, I tend to be a little bit less offensive nowadays, but I still think this is a very, very rad sculpture. I think it does exactly what it means to do, and this section of the website is definitely a filter. If this puts you off, you're definitely, probably not going to want to work with me. But I want to be who I am, so I am showing who I am. Someone who's fascinated with consciousness, experience, life, what it means to be alive, and experience anything, who's always been into philosophy, physics, science, and finds belief to be one of the biggest problems that this world has. At this point, I'm not really anti-religious as much as I am anti-belief. And at the same time, due to the current socio-political climate happening between the West and other factions in the world, I've grown a lot more respect for the fact that Christianity, after having gone through modernity and been mellowed out over the centuries, is acting, at least in this country, as a bulwark against the incursion of other ideologies.
So, I am a different person now. At least at this point, a little bit less interested in overtly offending. Although I can't promise I won't end up designing or building something in the future that might have that as a part of its purpose.
Ah, the good old pentagram. Satanism and all that. These made-up ideas from people who like to project fear onto their followers in order to compel them into behaving well. One of the older control systems that this species developed early on. Perhaps not necessarily this particular symbol or Satanism itself, but some version or some form of that.
It just ends up making me more interested in how something so simple can have such a powerful and offensive effect on so many people. It's because of belief. And so, when I was younger, I explored these ideas extensively. And this is some of the art that I came up with.
The double pentagram, or whatever it should be called, is still incorporated into my primary and original symbol.
Before and during The Firehouse, in its early inceptions, there was a previous space called Thoughtcrime. Basically, a variation on a theme, run by the same guy who ran the Firehouse, and technically his second or third version of this kind of collective living experience. I was in a different previous relationship that was dysfunctional, tumultuous, and weird. And at some point I had an opportunity to show a bunch of my pieces, which for the most part were the older ones that you've seen already, lots of the older chaos symbols that I had from the 90s that I'd figured out how to scale up and print before the advent of AI upscaling to a decent quality level.
In this relationship, things were inappropriately open and strange. I would never even say that we were technically officially anything, but we did live together for quite some time and spent the majority of time together for four years. So, whatever that means. And at some point, this concept came into my head. Like other things that humans have a revulsion to for whatever reason, even more so than the male phallus, women's parts seem to be scary to most people. And I figured it might be interesting to use some of the things I had understood with Photoshop to develop some treatments and make them into art.
At the very final show before Thoughtcrime closed, I was the artist. I picked nine of these, or maybe she did, I don't remember... bought frames, and this was one wall, one that fit the nine panels nicely in a grid, three across, three down, and showed that for part of it, and then showed my other pieces on the other walls.
Keep in mind, this is at a very, what one might call countercultural, semi, not really, but sort of cult-like environment with people who were hyper-liberal, progressive, etc. And apparently, what I heard about after the fact was that they were not exactly super comfortable having nine vaginas on their wall. So, even in the most liberal of circles, I have tended to push some boundaries artistically, which to me is both fascinating and odd, as-as far as I understood, this group, this type, this clique, this subculture of people who were not a part of the theocratic aspect of this country's culture, should be far more open to this kind of thing. It's strange. It's like the idea that people are far more accepting of death and violence than they are of sex. Something to do with Catholic shame and the way that the Puritans, I guess, left England and were a big part of founding this country, and kept that kind of thinking going, which has obviously continued to permeate throughout the culture, even to this day.
As with everything in this section, I considered not showing it, but this is not a standard just show the most appropriate kinds of things to people in order to build or connect to people who might be interested in partnerships or employing me. I'm building something that shows how I think and who I am, who I am as a systems thinker, and I don't want to end up in a position where everything sucks and everybody's uncomfortable, and we both regret me being hired and you hiring me, or me finding a partner and us working together. You know, like I said with most of the stuff in this section, I'm not currently doing this exactly, but if you look at even the most recent pieces in the chaos system section, the parts made out of octopus, I don't know, I'm thinking that might be off-putting for a lot of people as well, and I think it looks amazing. So, what do I do? Hide it? Pretend that I'm somebody else? Be disingenuous and fake? Not expose the progression of who I am, my troubles, my tribulations, my adaptive capacity to get through all of these things and continue to grow as a person, and express in weird ways while doing it? It doesn't make any sense, so I'm showing this stuff.
Check out the comments and see what you think.
When I was interviewed about having a show at 'Thought Crime', a gallery and collective living space that the guy who ran The Firehouse also ran before and during the beginning of Firehouse, I never brought up this collection. All I had really to show was some of my older archives of work from the 90s, a number of things you've already seen with chaos symbols and 3D spaces. But I decided to make an impact, and with the help of Amber, the subject of this collection, built this all out.
The installation was a bit of a pain. Specifically because all of the frames were the exact same size, and any inconsistency would be painfully obvious. So, my method for ensuring that it was all correct was, I think, to get a laser, but that's not really the important part. I used Blu Tack, the sticky Play-Dohy stuff that you can stick on walls and stick things to. And basically, I mounted with screws into the wall for every one of the pieces, and then a couple pieces of Blu Tack on the back so that I could level them all to each other exactly right. Turns out, later on, I find out that removing all of that Blu Tack was a pain in the ass. Not for me, but for the gallery. I think it took some paint off. Also, like I mentioned, this wasn't what anybody was prepared to see. However, I do think that the presentation is fantastic.
Twelve shots, with the gallery above reflecting the same order as was shown in person.
The final two in this strange section of my website. One is personal to me, and one is not. Although I do know the person, and she was the one who was modeled in the previous section. It is art, even if many would be offended by it. And it is me. Take it or leave it, really. The piece on the left was made back in the 90s. early Photoshop days. Piece on the right, in the aughts. And no, I haven't made any more of these kinds of pieces since. But who knows.
This page contains some of the most symbolically charged work on this website.
Firearms. Religion. Money. Politics. Sexuality. Authority. Chaos.
These subjects carry an unusual emotional weight. Most people develop strong reactions to them long before they develop a detailed understanding of what they actually represent. That has always interested me.
The work here is not an attempt to provoke for its own sake.
It is an invitation to investigate why certain symbols possess so much power over our perception in the first place.
Throughout my life I have found myself returning to the same question in many different forms:
Can I participate in the development of my own understanding, or will I simply inherit someone else’s?
Over time I realized that this question connected almost everything I had ever become interested in.
Not because the subjects themselves were related.
Because they all forced me to examine the relationship between authority, understanding, responsibility, and human agency.
As a child, I wasn’t searching for a philosophy. I was trying to survive.
I grew up as a Gen X latchkey kid with a highly sensitive nervous system, very little guidance for understanding what I was experiencing, and long stretches of time spent figuring reality out on my own.
The world often felt emotionally and cognitively overwhelming. Since no one could build a survival strategy for or even with me, I had to build one myself. Eventually I discovered something that consistently worked. Whenever something frightened, overwhelmed, or emotionally dominated me, I dismantled it.
I broke it apart.
I tried to understand how it worked.
The better I understood something, the less power it held over me.
I wasn’t trying to control the world around me. I was changing my understanding of it until its power over me changed automatically. At the time I had no language for what I was doing. I certainly wasn’t thinking about authority, constitutional design, systems theory, or philosophy. I had simply discovered, through necessity, that understanding could produce a kind of stability that control never seemed capable of providing.
Looking back, I think that realization quietly became the foundation beneath almost everything else.
Because this survival strategy actually worked, it changed something much deeper. When an adult explained why something mattered, I usually listened. Explanation invited participation. It expanded my understanding. But when someone demanded obedience without explanation, something in me rejected it almost automatically.
As a child I couldn’t have explained why. I didn’t know the difference between legitimate and illegitimate authority. I simply knew that surrendering my own participation in understanding reality meant abandoning the only strategy that had consistently helped me remain psychologically stable.
There were times when refusing to comply resulted in severe physical punishment. That punishment never convinced me the authority itself had become legitimate. Instead it revealed another pattern. When power cannot adequately justify itself, it often falls back on coercion.
Sometimes physical.
Sometimes emotional.
Sometimes social.
Sometimes institutional.
Violence is only one expression.
The deeper pattern is that when legitimacy weakens, coercion often increases. I didn’t understand that consciously as a child. I only understood that my own experience kept reinforcing the same lesson.
Understanding reduced fear.
Unexplained authority did not.
Long before I investigated chaos theory, I was fascinated by the word chaos itself. Words like chaos and anarchy seemed to possess extraordinary symbolic power. People reacted to them immediately, and the media repeatedly used them to generate a specific reaction…
Fear.
Whenever I encounter an idea that reliably produces strong emotional reactions before most people can explain what it actually means, I become interested in understanding it for myself.
That curiosity eventually led me to chaos theory and understanding what anarchy actually is, and while anarchism and anarchy did a lot for helping to understand the social relationship between power and authority and people, and went far in describing much different possibilities when it came to how human social systems could be organized, chaos theory did something far more consequential.
It became one of the first frameworks capable of organizing observations I had already been making independently. It revealed something profoundly counterintuitive. The most durable forms of stability in complex systems rarely emerge through increasing centralized control. They emerge through distributed participation, continual feedback, adaptation, and the capacity to correct error.
At smaller scales and over shorter periods of time, increasing control often appears to create greater stability. Our instincts evolved under exactly those conditions. But civilizations, ecosystems, economies, constitutions, neural networks, and biological evolution all operate at scales where entirely different principles begin to dominate.
Chaos theory did not become important because it explained everything. It became important because it was the first systems framework large enough to connect many different domains that had previously seemed unrelated. It eventually became one of the cognitive foundations of what would later become The Chaos System.
Over the following decades, that same pattern continued. Every field I became interested in eventually turned into the same investigation.
Psychology.
Religion.
Economics.
Culture.
Technology.
Music.
Civilization.
Power.
Every domain became another opportunity to ask the same underlying question:
Why do human systems repeatedly drift toward structures that become increasingly difficult to question or correct?
That investigation, plus many of the understandings I gained through my examination of anarchistic systems, which fundamentally attempt to remove the state entirely, it eventually led me to write Boundary Conditions for Human Emergence (found on the AI page).
At the time I believed I was attempting something entirely original. I wasn’t trying to design a better corrective mechanism. I was trying to understand whether the problem itself could be removed.
The more I examined civilization, the more I came to suspect that scale itself continually generates the very conditions that require increasingly elaborate systems of management, authority, and correction. Rather than asking how those corrections could become more effective, I began asking whether a different social architecture might make many of them increasingly unnecessary.
Whether that proposal ultimately succeeds is for others to judge. What matters here is the continuity of the question. The investigation never changed. Only the domains did.
For most of my life I never felt a need to own firearms. Not because I believed society was fundamentally stable. By that point I already understood civilization as a complex, imperfect equilibrium rather than a permanently secure structure.
What changed was my assessment of the trajectory.
I became increasingly concerned that certain patterns of ideological certainty, institutional capture, and attempts to reshape society around predetermined conclusions rather than continual correction were making the possibility of serious instability more plausible.
Whether that assessment ultimately proves correct is less important than what it motivated me to do.
If I genuinely believed conditions could deteriorate to the point where I might have to be more responsible for protecting my own life or the lives of people I cared about, and knowing the state was ill equipped for that role, then this responsibility required understanding.
That decision led me to investigate firearms. Not because I was attracted to violence. Because I believed responsibility begins with understanding the consequences of what we may one day be asked to carry.
Learning about firearms inevitably led me toward constitutional history, legal responsibility, the Second Amendment, and the broader architecture governing the relationship between individuals and governmental power.
That investigation produced one of the most surprising realizations of my life.
While investigating constitutional principles as a direct consequence of researching firearms, I realized I was looking at an institutional architecture attempting to compensate for many of the same systemic tendencies I had spent decades trying to understand independently, and how key this relationship was tied to gun ownership.
Its premise was not that government creates rights. Its premise was that governmental power itself requires continual constraint because concentrated authority naturally tends toward self-preservation.
Power must remain accountable.
Distributed.
Inspectable.
Correctable.
What surprised me wasn’t the principle. It was discovering that an institutional architecture had already attempted to compensate for many of these same tendencies more than two centuries earlier. It did not convince me that the problem had been solved. If anything, it reinforced my belief that large-scale systems require continual correction precisely because scale itself continually regenerates the underlying problem.
What it changed was my understanding of the Constitution. I no longer saw it simply as a governmental document. Or guns simply as a self defense tool. I began seeing it as one of the most ambitious attempts I had ever encountered to compensate for the recurring tendency of power to consolidate itself.
That realization also fundamentally changed my understanding of the kind of conservatism aimed at preserving those underlying design principles. Not conservatism as resistance to change. Conservatism as preservation of the architectural conditions that make liberty itself more likely to survive. That distinction mattered enormously.
It also revealed something else. Even institutional architectures explicitly designed to constrain power cannot maintain themselves automatically. Cultures drift. Feedback weakens. Foundational principles become less visible. People gradually stop remembering why particular constraints existed in the first place. They start believing that they understand a better way than the founding fathers did.
The very success of a corrective architecture can eventually encourage complacency or disregard toward the conditions that made it necessary. That isn’t unique to governments. It is a recurring tendency of complex systems generally, and often emerges because the people within those systems believe that the structures of control that they've developed are the reason why those structures have remained stable, completely misunderstanding the nature of the stability that has been maintained so far.
Recognizing that tendency gave me a very different appreciation for constitutional design. Not because I believed it permanently solved the problem. Because I recognized it as one of the clearest historical attempts to compensate for it.
This story isn’t primarily about firearms. Firearms became one of the most overt and visceral expressions of a much deeper principle. They're physical manifestation and associated real world consequences are something that we can't convince ourselves don't exist.
They forced responsibility to become concrete. They demanded an understanding of consequences beyond just their own.
Law.
Mechanics.
History.
Self-preservation.
Symbolism.
Individual agency.
Institutional authority.
Nothing remained abstract.
That experience reinforced something I had already been discovering for decades. Understanding changes the nature of intervention. The better a system is understood, the less it needs to be dominated and the more intelligently it can be worked with. Good engineering does not force reality to obey. It works with the principles already present within the system.
The same is true of biology.
Psychology.
Music.
Complex systems.
Constitutional design.
Human relationships.
Understanding does not eliminate action. It transforms the quality of action. Smaller interventions often become more powerful than larger attempts at domination because they work with the architecture of the system rather than against it.
This is ultimately why this page exists. Not to persuade anyone toward a political position. Not to celebrate controversy. Not to offend. And not to ask anyone to trust me.
It exists because symbols possess power.
Authority possesses power.
Language possesses power.
Ideas possess power.
The question has never been whether those powers exist. The question is whether we inherit our relationship to them unconsciously or consciously participate in developing that relationship ourselves. If something can emotionally dominate us before we understand it, then it already possesses a kind of authority over our perception.
Investigating it is one way of recovering agency.
I don’t think my life has been a story about rejecting authority. It's been a story about understanding the importance of refusing to surrender participation in your own cognitive development. The child who had to build his own survival strategy eventually became the adult who refused to outsource his own understanding. Everything else on this website emerged from that same process.
If there is one idea I hope connects every page here, it is this:
Be an active participant in your own programming.
Because if you do not consciously participate in the development of your own understanding, reality will do it for you.
Culture will.
Institutions will.
Incentives will.
Fear will.
Advertising will.
Ideology will.
Every system surrounding you continually shapes perception, values, habits, and identity.
In order to understand what is being said overall in this website, it should best be understood through the lens of systems thinking, and that agency is directly connected to maintaining active participation in the process of existence, instead of being a passive product of it.